I was most afraid that I was punching above my weight. And honestly? I still am sometimes. But I'm learning that obedience doesn't wait for fear to leave the room.
When you first said yes to Segullah Creative Co. — not the idea of it, but the actual decision to build it — what were you most afraid people would see?
I was afraid that people would see the me that only comes out behind closed doors. The one that dreams. The one that cries. The one that loves to rub her feet together and snack on popcorn. No mask. Just me.
The fear of comparison is paralyzing. All I could think about was "what if I am not cut for this?" and "who will listen to me — do you know what I have done in my past?" All the things that someone thinks when they feel underqualified for something they feel passionate about. Something that feels bigger than you.
Describe a moment in this process where obedience felt louder than fear. What did that actually feel like in your body, not just your head?
I knew I wasn't coming up off the name Segullah. I was in love with everything it meant and what it says about my identity. I remember the initial feeling of excitement when I started creating something outside of my norm. Then I lost that feeling — and left it there.
Fast forward two years later, opportunities started coming my way that stretched me. Things I didn't see coming. I finally felt that feeling again — the one from two years ago. Today, I understand that passion is more of a drive and less of a feeling. Now, I have the opportunity to steward the beautiful gift of creativity that God has given me. And I get to do it in a way that feels authentic to me.
Passion is more of a drive and less of a feeling. I had to learn the difference between losing the feeling and losing the calling.
— Kilon Osun, Creative VesselWhat is the version of Segullah you keep trying to talk yourself out of?
She looks like a Creative Vessel heading an empire that builds in a way that reflects God's creative nature and honors His Kingdom. I want whatever I create to create an experience that reflects God's love wherever I go. I am leaving myself open to do it all — and allowing my gift to create the room I need to tackle anything.
Deep down, I am afraid of all three — the bigger, the scarier, the more exposed. But I pray to dream bigger and think bigger. I pray to be stretched and do things that make me uncomfortable. Because that version of Segullah? She is the one worth becoming.
What has picking up the camera taught you about yourself that you couldn't have learned any other way?
It has taught me that I enjoy being behind the camera more than I like being in front of it. It taught me that I enjoy creating a memorable experience for people — and capturing that on camera. That is the gift inside the gift.
There's a difference between not being ready and not being willing. Which one has shown up more for you?
Not being ready has shown up more for me. One leaves room for me to grow — it is a mindset. The other is me hiding myself because I am feeling insecure or underqualified. Not ready says "I need more time." Not willing says "I'm not going." Learning to tell them apart has been its own kind of becoming.
I was doing photography without saying I am a photographer. Saying it would make it real — and I felt like an imposter. Much like how I struggled with saying I am saved, sanctified, and Holy Ghost filled.
— Kilon Osun, Creative VesselWhat does "set apart" mean to you personally right now?
For me, it represents identity and the desired intimacy of God with you. I am set apart for a specific purpose in Christ. I am set apart because that was the only way that intimacy would build between me and God. I view set apart as an identity, a responsibility, and a secret place.
Who did you think you needed to become before you could call yourself a photographer?
I felt like there were things I needed to have in order to call myself a photographer. All these experiences. Media speak. All the connects. The validation of others. I was doing photography without saying I am a photographer. Saying it would make it real — and I felt like an imposter.
Much like how I struggled with saying I am saved, sanctified, and Holy Ghost filled. I didn't look like what I thought that was. I didn't sound like it. I thought I was just doing the thing, but didn't believe that was what it was until I got to a certain place in my walk. Prayer and doing the thing changed my mind.
What has been the hardest thing to document honestly?
The internal dialogue. It doesn't always exude confidence or the rawness of my walk. I keep the ugly parts to myself and show the parts I believe would encourage someone. But I have learned that all parts can be used to encourage and uplift.
The growth happens in the places we don't like to talk about. There is always someone who needs to know that they can make it through the parts we don't like to talk about.
If Segullah never became "successful" by the world's definition — would the obedience still have been worth it?
Yes. It would have taught me to trust God anyway, so it will always be worth it. I would regret not pursuing it — to even find out what my purpose was in it. I would be disappointed, but it would have taught me so much.
If this is not the place where God is calling me to be, there is a better place. And learning to trust when you don't have all the answers? When you are scared? That is the whole thing.
It will always be worth it. If this is not the place where God is calling me to be, there is a better place.
— Kilon Osun, Creative VesselWhat do you want someone in the middle of their own becoming to feel when they read this?
Trust the process. Please trust it. It may not make sense. It might suck a little. It may even hurt. But still trust. You will learn so much about God and yourself in the becoming than you would when you arrive.